postpartum

LAST VESTIGES + SLOW REMEMBERINGS

 
hand knitted sweater wool and cotton by samantha spigos

Ohio is about to kick off October with 90-degree weather. My sweaters and jeans loving heart is downtrodden, but what’s the use in wishing away days? This is something Mark and I have really been working on — failing, sometimes flailing, but hopefully Getting There: accepting Monday thru Thursday as four days worth celebrating, rather than bemoaning that they are not Friday thru Sunday. Can I submit something else to you? I am so tired. My body is bent and my brain is foggy. I am in love with my children and my life—incredibly so—and yet, this particular stage of parenting is painfully demanding. I went on medication for postpartum depression a few weeks ago and I start therapy in a week, in no small part thanks to my husband, my sisters, my brother-in-law, and my mom for encouraging me; for buoying me when I was sinking. Wanting to share more on that but not feeling particularly graceful with pen or keyboard, allow me to simply leave it there for now.

children window montessori waldorf by samantha spigos
dusk in autumn by samantha spigos

Other goings on include, but are certainly not limited to, frequent and dusty visits to the park and her ball fields, wiling away the afternoons on child-sized chairs whilst coloring with my daughter, knitting my first adult sweater in a climate beneficial cotton / wool blend yarn (a slow process that feels good in every way), and making as many iced coffees as I can before the weather demands Hot, Hot, Hot of my mug. I am remembering that Autumn is, above all, the season of shifting, and a good book helps.

How about you — What are you remembering about this season? What vestiges are holding on?

woman holding iced coffee by samantha spigos

—S

RESTING WITHOUT SLEEPING

 
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Yesterday I knelt at the kitchen window and watched two male gold finches, each perched on his own sunflower, pulling out seeds one by one and de-shelling them with their beaks to reveal, and swallow, the seed inside. It was a marvelous display of nature’s finery. As for me, it was a blessed few minutes of resting without sleeping. Do you do this? Rest without sleep? It’s one thing to lie on the sofa and close your eyes, even if you know you will not sleep. This is effective . . . if your brain is not racing and pinging back and forth with myriad thoughts, like a mouse in a cupboard — Hi hello, that’s me! A more restful approach, for me anyway, has been focusing intently on something simple, like the gold finches. Another way I “rest” is by touching and rearranging the objects in Rosemary’s (and one day, Leo’s) room. While she colors or looks at books, I move things from here to there, there to here. Often I settle on the same arrangement as before. It’s a nice way to refresh my headspace and avoid something taxing or muddying, like doing the dishes or scrolling my phone.

In lieu of sleep, how do you like to rest? I would love to hear!

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For the inquisitive . . .

Here are a few of the sources for the objects in our child’s room. Each object holds special meaning, which is my best advice for creating an intentional room or display.

+ Wooden pastel rainbow.
+ Wooden guardian angel.
+ Wool pom wreath (sadly no longer available).
+ Saint peg dolls.
+ Saint Isidore icon.
+ Rosemary the cow & morel mushroom prints.


—S

CRYING, LAUGHING, KISSING, MARVELING

 

The best July of my life . . .

Was milk sweat and nipple sore. It was a toddler picking onion tops and a baby opening his eyes. It was no sleep and yes, coffee. Walks about town and a singular visit to the grocery store. July was Bob Marley, Erykah Badu and D’Angelo filling the house. It was the newborn dance of rock and sway, rock and sway. It was dad falling deeper in love with daughter. Sunflowers unfurling in the side yard, in the backyard, in the garden beds; Flowers, generally. Mosquito bites and supper in a blue dining room. It was crying, all of us. Crying, laughing, kissing, marveling.
July was growing a family.


—S